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Blowing Off the Dust

It's strange to pop into Livejournal and see that people I know and remember as still using it.

Hi all! :D

Reciprocity

I've come to realize that there are a number of people that I tend to reach out to in kindness and support who seem to have no interest in my friendship.

Before I really started working on myself, I would have gotten very bitter about the situation, because I would have thought, "If I'm showing these people kindness, why can't they do so in return?" I'd also get ticked off about things.

As it stands, my thoughts are tinged more with melancholy instead. I'm not reaching out to have them show me kindness in return anymore., but it makes me think that it might not be worth the effort.

The way I'm looking at it now, no blame is placed, but it becomes a choice as whether to keep expending the energy. They have their own lives, and I might not fit into the scheme of their lives.

The biggest thing that occurs to me is that when someone changes, many others get used to viewing them in their old remembrances, rather than looking at the person anew every time they interact with them. It's a human habit that's hard to break.

Oh well.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Withholding

Woke up from a dream with a burning desire to write a letter or communicate something that I felt someone needed to hear or know. It's a bit of truth that they were unaware of or had been lied to because someone told them what they wanted to hear, not what was necessarily the truth.

But then I pause. Yeah, communicating what I want to would make me feel better. But then I pause again. Saying what I want to say could potentially cause a lot of chaos and hurt feelings. It would be potentially causing me to feel better at the expense of someone else's peace of mind.

It sucks to be the one who does the right thing when the other(s) involved wouldn't.

Pain and suffering comes from people being unhappy with how the present moment is—by not accepting, for better or for worse, how things are.

I really don't like this feeling of being the one who carries all this weight while the other parties continue without such a conscience, as they feel justified in their behavior. *sighs*

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Indifference, not Love

I've been working on a great number of Buddhist ways of thinking—two of the biggest being compassion and love.

Thing is I've been dealing with situations where I realize that I've been taken advantage of, which is shifting my heart to a very cold indifference. Indifference, in my book, is the opposite of love.

I'm coming to this place after realizing that, in many ways, some people have been using me for various selfish reasons.

What's tough for me is getting back my equilibrium to where I can be indifferent to those who only see what they can get out of me (or have done so already) and compassionate to everyone else.

And yes, I know Buddhist thought is to be compassionate to all, but I'm needing the ice-cold distance for my own peace of mind, because caring about said people doesn't help me at all.

Bleh.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Trust

"The more we trust ourselves -- our own inner knowing and the wisdom from our spiritual guidance -- the more open and trusting we can be with our partner. People often hold back from being open with their partners with the implication, "I can't be open until you prove that I can trust you." By trust, they mean being able to predict their partners' response, guaranteeing that their partners will be loving rather than rejecting. One of life's hardest realities is that this kind of guarantee is impossible. However, the more we trust ourselves and develop our ability to speak our truth, the more we are willing to be open and risk another's free response to us. This is what creates a loving and trusting relationship." — Margaret Paul, PhD

Fending Off Depression

I've gotten really good at staying more in the present moment because when I start thinking of what's happened in the past and what will happen in the future, I start feeling the weight of depression trying to settle in on my shoulders.

I look at my two cats and think about how much I love them and how they make me happy, only to think about losing my youngest cat soon (she had breast cancer, we removed one row of her nipples, and the cancer spread to under her arm) and how my oldest cat is also seeming to lose steam.

It's hard, but I'm doing my best to hold up despite the circumstances.

*sighs*

Life

Life would be better if there was something in my life that was certain, ya know? Something to count on.

Not something permanent and never changing, but something solid and dependable.

*sighs*
I've had a number of people who have said, "Hey, give me a call and let's do this!" or "I'll take care of this for you in the next day or two," or things along those lines.

I've touched base with the person the day after they were going to do whatever it was, and they've said, "Hey, let's try tomorrow!" or something similar. So, after that day, I've tried to touch base with them again and usually, haven't heard much of anything from them.

I feel that I've reached out and took them at their word. Chances are they honestly wanted to do whatever it was they said they wanted to do (have a nice long phone chat, send a package, or send some files via e-mail), but I'm beginning to feel like either: a nag or that it really wasn't all that important to them after all.

You people out in LJ land think just letting go of it and giving up on things (or the person) is the way to go?

Frustration

It's really frustrating to not have anyone to honestly talk to. And it's depressing.

*sighs*

Horde Intra-fighting

Given some of the conversations here as of recent, I thought people might be interested in hearing some of the comments about two Horde NPCs who don't like each other. One gives the player a task which prompts the other to try and teach a moral to the player about the "Garrosh-worshipping Orc" beside him. The other Orc calls the Shaman a Thrall-loving Orc.

Yeah, I foresee a Horde civil war in the future...